Reviewing myself for the past year: 2021 edition

The pandemic has done good and bad to me. I wouldn’t write about my so-called vulnerability again, I’ve bored you enough with that previously. I’ve changed so much as a person, my friends who’ve met me now after 2 years ask me- “Are you sure you are you?”

You know, 2021 is almost over, and remember one of my first posts on the blog? I spoke about how I changed that year. This would be the second version of that.

A little by little, new changes kept adding up and sometimes, they pulled out a chunk of me or added three new more chunks extra (literally, too). The pandemic also exposed me to different things, like internet culture, aesthetics, *memes*, pop culture and even fandom culture.

I’ve become socially anxious. My friends called me, “that extrovert girl”, but I don’t totally live up to that. So the social anxiety slowly came by. The First step being less people-interaction (thank you, lockdown). Then came the texting period, where I began texting people. Then I only texted people.

Swiftkittykat GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY
gif via GIPHY, CTTO.

Realizing that I was being too much of an in-the-corner-with-zero-social-interaction person, I began doing phone calls. But that too was only when the other person called me.

I hesitate to go to someone’s house to give something like a dish my mother made. You know, the typical Indian household thing where you need to give back the neighbor’s box with some food item you made, just because you cannot return something empty? I cannot get myself to do that. Not because I deem it a lowly thing to do (which it isn’t), but because I have zero knowledge about how to behave with Indian aunties or neighbors. Even if my parents taught me manners well.

Now since I am back at school, things are getting tougher. I do not know how to react to people I haven’t spoken with for around 2 years, but were friends of mine back then. It’s awkward. Plus, it gets hard to recognize people who’ve either doubled in length or in breadth.

Also, I‘ve become a bit of a perfectionist. Not a bit maybe. A lot, so much that it might be toxic.

Perfectionist GIFs | Tenor
same, buddy, same. (via Tenor, CTTO)

My school assignments needs to be perfect, so to achieve that unattainable perfection, I spend a whole day to finish a small assignment. My mother says I take things too seriously because of that. I think that the partial reason of this cringe perfectionism is high expectations from myself.

I’ve been trying to decrease that. I’m slowly understanding that things aren’t meant to be perfect. And even though my peers have high expectations from me, they aren’t as high as the standards I set for myself. Self acceptance would get me out of it.

I’ve become more of a realist. I’ve been an optimist, whose encouraging people even if it’s practically and really impossible for that to happen. But this time, I think I’ve changed for the better. Living in the practicality is what I want, I’m going closer to being that person.

Realist GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY
Via Giphy, CTTO.

I speak too fast. Don’t know if this qualifies, but I used to be a very “clear” speaker, now I just rush faster than a Japanese Bullet train. My brain is thinking too fast, I’m not able to put it into words at a normal human pace. Yeah I know, my brain’s faster than normal brains. (Truth? No, it isn’t.)

The pandemic either changed me, or brought out my real colors. But I have this vision, a prospective, about who I am supposed to be. I want to be THAT confident, stubborn, independent chick who enjoys herself and is practical. I don’t know how close I am to that goal, but let’s say… halfway through?

And before I end today, I have a message for you. Or more, a reader and a blog pal does. I promised Harshita that there’d be a shoutout for a beautiful comment she wrote on a blog post of mine (read it if you’d like here).

All body sizes are not beautiful. No they are not. Beauty is something the society, we, created as a way to obtain the validity. It makes you think you are only valid if you have a pretty face and a curved body

All body sizes aren’t beautiful

But they are valid

We sometimes label people ‘looks’ based on their look. I mean, it can be a mental condition or it could be from birth or it might be in the genes et cetera. We create this idea of people in our heads without getting to know them.

Body positivity is really important. Every one should feel this validity with their own skin. You are not obliged to change yourself *cough* torture yourself *cough* for [the ]convenience of others.

Harshita/Aashi Rath @ words on fleek

So with that message, we end here. Namaste.

Not-so-daintily loving you,

Divi.

16 thoughts on “Reviewing myself for the past year: 2021 edition

  1. Very interesting post. I think we’ve all become a bit anti social thanks to the lockdown.
    It’s always an awkward situation with aunties and uncles 🙈 But not giving the box empty is actually a beautiful gesture and one with significance.
    What a relatable post, gal! 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right, it’s some different vibe with aunties and uncles that makes it very difficult to make small talk honestly😂
      Though Indian people can be a bit *intimidating*, our hearts our soft, an empty box is just so sad to look at 😂😉
      Glad this was an enjoyable read, thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Why, Thank you Maya! Well, fingers crossed 2022 is a better year. The stress at school is building up, but I hope I deal with that.
      I hope you have a great year too!
      Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Aww.. such a sweet post! I was a huge introvert back then, so I really did enjoy pandemic. I mean I just got know me better, like seriously! I feel everyone needs this time to realise what kind of person you are.. Loved the post, so relatable 😂🥺
    Also I did see you going through a change, and Its ImPrEsSiVe✨

    Lots and lots of love,
    Boken Brone💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I read somewhere, pandemics are perfect for introverts. Well, glad you enjoyed. I’m not really an introvert, but I have some social anxiety that’s it I’m still good at making small talk and ice-breaking okay 😂😂😎 I really can’t agree with that more, we all need time to explore ourselves, the pandemic worked out well in those terms.
      Thanks for reading!
      Lot’s of love,
      your other boken Brone.
      *laughs at the inside joke*

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The pandemic has made me socially anxious and awkward too. My mom keeps taunting me over that all the time, so RELATABLE 😭💜
    Perfectionist? Hm, felt again. I get really annoyed with myself when I can’t do stuff rightt. :<
    Also I love the paragraph at the end! #loveyourself<3

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg someone who relates about being a perfectionist! Things either have to proper or in the trash or not exist at all. My mom never really taunts me or something, but occasionally, she lets me know if I’m being “too in-the-corner”.
      Yeah, #loveyourself😎
      Thanks for reading Lili!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Well the pandemic changed people A LOT. And we’ve seen you change in front of our eyes 🤭 and also yes, giving the dabba to the aunties is such a difficult thing to do, coz like I can’t manage saying anything else except “mamma ne laddoo diye hai aapke liye” and “kaise ho?” 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “Mamma ne laddoo diye hai aapke liye” LOL I relate so much. Conversations with neighbors is HARD.
      You said I changed in front of yours eyes as if I just grew up in front you eyes 😂
      Thanks for reading!

      Like

  5. True one. This pandemic has not only changed you but everyone in this world. And that typical Indian household thing which you have mentioned in this post is so very relatable 😂 Hope you are having a good time after the exams!

    -Himadri

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it’s true, I find many people around me changed too. I’m glad you enjoyed reading this one😂
      Yes, I’m having a really great time now, I hope you too are having a really great time!
      Thanks for reading!

      Like

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